Daddy's little girl. Whenever she needed a space on her own, she will keep herself drowned with amazing books accompanied by Jericho and Mckenzie, the catch-eye.

Sunday, 12 June 2016

It was such a shame, that it had to end this way.

she sits alone, drinking the chilled can of beer she just bought earlier.It happens occasionally, as it helps her to sleep better at night, when she's not busy with work. 

People (who are not close to her) think her life is a mess and pathetic. They said, 'Move on, there are a lot of good people out there to choose upon, don't spend your entire time crying over a split milk'. Truth is, I'm done with all the sleepless night, the too many 'what if' questions, heartbreaks, flashbacks etc. I'm in that stage where I can now fully understand why certain things were allowed to happen, and somehow you cant always get what you want.  Somehow, people thought I was still being a freaking sad moron who cannot move on from the recent breakups. yes, breakup with 's' .

1. Fist person,he was that kind of person you fantasized in a fairy tale kind of love story, where forever will exist. He passed your pre test, and got all the list checked. He cooks very well, better than me. He was that kind of person you are ready to spend your entire life together. I did pictured us, at the altar, exchanging vows, living happily ever after, having kids, and I even think of suitable names to give to our babies.

After almost 3 years of relationship, something went wrong, and I hated myself for letting my guard down, for not fighting for us. I guess I'm that idiot who let you slipped from my life thinking it was better for you to go on without me.

2.Second,  he was someone you thought will never fall in love with someone as miserable as me,, but in the end he did ( I still cannot accept this, and keep asking myself why). Even for the short period of time we knew each other, but the impact was unbearable, the day when you made up your mind. I always love this place, but it seemed haunted without you. When you left this place for good, I always find something that reminds me of you and it was hard to cope alone. I hide all your belongings out from my sight, I even deleted you phone number and photos we've taken together. I refused to drive near the place you used to stay. When I listen to you favorite songs, I broke into tears, sobbing uncontrollably. I hate myself for being a pathetic sad person.  I had a terrible insomnia after so long. I thought I can handle breakup better than this, but I was wrong.
If someone asks me if I can turn back the time, what would I do? If i can turn back the time when we first go out together, I will convince myself NOT to fall for you. It is easier that way

It was never easy and forever not will be. I couldn't sleep well, and I keep waking up because I feel like I've been suffocated. I cried in the middle of night, sometimes at 3 am, and after my energy had drained after crying, I get back  to sleep. The circle continues for quite some time. Then I keep myself busy with work. I took double shifts, sometimes continuous shift just to keep myself distracted. I didn't eat properly, I had no appetite at all.I drove back home to keep my mind off a lil bit. Thank God, I began to realize that sometime the people you love will not always be right beside you. Sometime you and I were just an intersection line, we met at one point and after some time, we went to a separate path.

I hope both of you will meet the love of your life. The girl who will always love you unconditionally. She sees the flaws in you but she accepts it wholeheartedly. It doesn't matter how do you look when you wake up, or how bad your singing are, or how you can be so ignorance when you are busy with lectures. She will always stay by your side, loving every inch of you and always fight for the relationship to work.

I'm sorry if throughout the time we were together, I know I'm not perfect, I had those emotionally unstable moments. I'm sorry for not being there when you needed me. I'm sorry for not being able to say out loud my feelings to you, and not being open up with you. I'm sorry for letting you go through a very bad situation. I'm sorry for giving up on you when it almost time you finished with you med school. I know sorry isn't enough, but I can only be sorry right know.Forgive me for being such an inconsiderate human being.


Arms said...

Hi Yan :)

Firstly, virtual hug.

Next, I dedicate this song to you.

Have a great day later, Happy Wednesday! :)